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March Letters

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First I want to thank the people who emailed me with their dating issues; I hope my responses were helpful. Well Valentine’s Day has been and gone and we can all come back out of hiding, the
Valentine’s cards and nasty “I love you teddies”
have all gone and will soon be replaced by
chocolate Easter eggs. With a glimmer of better
weather on the horizon (and maybe a secret New Year’s resolution to find someone to love this year…) now is the time to prepare yourselves for dating. Whether you choose to go on an internet dating site or are happy to go on the blind dates your well-meaning friends and family have set up for you – the same basic rules apply. Last month we talked about the art of dating and compared it to following a recipe; if you follow it step by step you can’t go wrong. OK sometimes we burn the cake or it ends-up half-baked but we just have to keep
practicing. So each month we will continue through the recipe step by step....

Step one: Are you ready for dating? Have you closed the door behind you and started to open
another? Deal with the baggage. A lot of people
make the mistake of rushing back into a
relationship too early. You often need time for things to settle down. You will know when you are ready; when you stop hoping or dreading the next text message is from the “ex”. If you are hoping then you are definitely not ready; if you’re
dreading, then you need to get a new phone.
Please deal with these issues because it’s not fair on any new person in your life and equally unfair to you because you are possibly setting yourself up for another failed relationship.

Closing the door and moving on is very difficult and even more difficult if you have been bereaved. I had a lovely email from a lady the other day she wrote....

Dear Lynette
I lost my husband 2 years ago.
I really miss male company he was the love of my life. I am thinking of joining an internet dating site just for some companionship as I have very few friends where I live. Do you think now is the right time? I would value your honest opinion and would you know of a safe internet dating site because there are so many to choose from?
Hope you can help?
Confused Annie from Dursley

Annie I’m really sorry to hear you lost your
husband. Two years sounds like a long time but it isn’t really. I know that when you have lost someone it’s extremely difficult to move on because you feel you are being unfaithful. It can feel like you need permission to move on, you need someone to say it’s OK. You may want to consider trying some
bereavement counselling, it can really help just to have someone who didn’t know your husband; to talk to especially if you don’t have friends close by. As for internet dating; you’re right there are so many sites (some good and some bad) and some are more user-friendly than others. If your concern is “safety” do some research before you join; check each site’s policy on privacy and personal safety. If you haven’t done internet dating before; it can be quite daunting but just take your time and choose carefully before jumping in. You may want to consider doing an “internet dating for beginners”
course first. Another way to meet other single
people may be to join a singles social group that holds regular meetings, meet for drinks/dinner and have days out as a group. This is a really good way of gradually building up your confidence for finding someone special in your life again. You will also get to know lots of new people who may be in a similar situation to yourself; you’re not the only one looking for love! I hope this helps Annie; please keep in touch.
Lynette

I would love to hear from you about your dating issues. Next month we will talk about step two so please email me at lynette@cherrypickdating.com.