Everyone's dating fairy Godmother...
First I would like to thank everybody who read the article last month; it must have struck a chord because I have received very positive feedback. Here we are in May already; trees in blossom as we look forward to some summer sunshine. Nature is wonderful but the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland reminds us of the power that nature has over us. This brings me onto the part mother nature plays in our love lives so what nature has given us is what we have to make the best of.
I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone; it’s just a case of being in the right place at the right time and if you are serious about finding someone to love; then you have to put a little effort in to it. You also have to be open-minded and not too prescriptive in your likes or dislikes; I fully understand that there are some things that people can’t compromise on; such a religion or smoking.
When I was using an internet dating site the most important thing to me was being able to see a photo. I like nice eyes and a genuine smile and if the profile photo showed those qualities; then regardless of whether they were six feet plus or not – I might send them a short message. My lovely fiancée who I met on a dating site is just 5 feet 8 inches tall, has no hair and has a broken nose but he does have mischievous blue eyes and a confident genuine smile. If I had stuck to my perfect match criteria (Clooney, Pitt etc) I might not have given him a second look…
I had an email from Robert he said... I am a single man in my 50s and have been internet dating for a while. I came across your article recently and thought I would ask for the Top Dating Tips to see if they would answer my questions; “How can I tell if the lady I meet is the one for me after one date or if she would like to see me again?” In the past I have waited for the lady to get in touch with me for a second date because I don’t want to seem pushy if she wasn’t keen. Like all men I’m terrified of rejection I would rather not ask the question. So far ladies have contacted me first on the dating site I am on. I never contact anyone first, I never know what to say.
I wrote back.....Hi Robert thanks for your email; here are a few ideas you could try. Make sure the photo on your profile is a recent good one; if you’re not happy with it, it could hinder your confidence; maybe get a professional photographer to take one for you. Make sure your profile is as interesting as possible don’t be too prescriptive with your match-requirements. Talk about your job, interests, holidays or if anything funny has happened to you. Take the time to read a ladies profile properly and look at any photos before you respond. Choose something in their profile as a “hook” for the conversation as it shows you have made the effort to read about them. Send a short message first and if things go well; build-up a dialogue and gather as much information as possible. Ladies like to know that you find them interesting.
Try not to send her dozens of messages a day or ask her where she lives; let her reply and maybe after a while you could exchange email addresses or maybe a mobile number. Never give out your home address or home telephone number and only use first names to begin with. Your first date should really be for coffee in a public place and for an hour at the most; this reduces the pressure on both parties and keeps you both safe. If that goes well; hopefully you will recognise your success and have enough confidence to ask for a second date; maybe coffee again or lunch. Good luck!
Contact me if you would like some help with dating issues or if you would like my Top Dating Tips info. I’m giving a talk with All Your Life on Friday 30th April on Internet Dating and how to keep safe if you would like to come along get in touch.